Forgiveness
by lovely aldebaran
Summary: Guilt haunts Lyude and tears at his soul. Takes place after end of Baten Kaitos: Eternal Wings and the Lost Ocean. lyudexladekahn


This takes place after Baten Kaitos: Eternal Wings and the Lost Ocean. Lyude and Ladekahn are one of my favorite parings of all time.

Disclaimer: I do not own Baten Kaitos or any of the characters.

I had said goodbye to Kalas and the rest a week ago today. That adventure is finally over. Other than the mighty presence of the ocean, life has gone back to the way it was before that whole ordeal started. I decided to head back to Diadem, since there isn't anywhere else I could go back to. It's lonely now, traveling without a group of friends. But this shouldn't bother me; I was alone before I met them. Or, it was worse. I was an outcast of my own country, and the people of Nashira, the fishing village to which I was exiled to, despised me. Now I could go back and expect to be celebrated as a hero at best, and not noticed at worst. It turns out my welcome was something in between. Familiar faces smiled at me, and some even thanked me. I couldn't help but feel undeserving of this praise. After all, if my country hadn't taken part in this… life might have stayed the way it was before. Not that it's bad now…

The sun is shining through the open doorway of my apartment, letting in the cool air. The famous clouds of Diadem are swirling outside. The unrest in the sky matches that in my soul. There is still something eating away at me inside, though I try not to show it to anyone. It's embarrassing. I know it isn't guilt from betraying my family. I like to think I've left them far behind in that past life. After all, I know I'm much better off without them. For now, I'll just keep that uneasiness inside until I can figure out what it is.

Today I'm going to visit King Ladekahn to see how his wounds have healed. It's amazing he lived after taking those hits. I don't think I could do something like that. He does have his people to live for though. Sometimes I wonder what I live for, or if anyone lives for me. But that's a silly thought.

Now the tall gates of Castle Elnath stand open in front of me. Despite all that has happened to these people, to their King, they are still welcoming. What a resilience they have. I admire them for being able to live on, even though it brings back unwelcome memories. How could I have been so disabled when faced with my own problems? I very nearly went mad. I'm sure that without Kalas and Gibari and the rest, I would have been a goner.

A well dressed servant recognizes me. I wish I could have gone on my way without anyone knowing. There's this sinking feeling that I'll be held up now. I want to get this over with. Guilt is slipping through my defenses.

"Master Lyude, welcome back to castle Elnath. Might you be here to see his highness King Ladekahn?" His face was kind.

"Yes, I am. Is it possible for me to see him now? Or is he busy?"

"I'll have to check for you. I think he must be though… this day there's so much going on…" I realized the kind face was but a mask behind which annoyance hid.

"Well then, I suppose I'll come back later…" Disappointment hit me like a wave breaking on rock. The strong emotion came out of no where. There was no reason for it. I locked it back into where it wouldn't show itself.

"Good then. You might have to come back tomorrow, or the next day… I don't know when my King will be free." Anger rose from deep within me. I told myself to stop being irrational, so I turned to go. A velvet voice called me back.

"Wait, Lyude! Henry, don't be silly. I thought I told you I was free today!" I practically spun on my heel and dashed to King Ladekahn. So the little wretch was lying to me… but it is no matter. I had in front of me what I came for.

The pure beauty of the tall man was staggering. Awe drowned out my excitement. As I walked along at his side I could see he was walking without any problem, which was a relief. In the letters we exchanged, he said he had been bedridden for too long. I worried he wouldn't be able to walk after being hit with those cruel shots. The pain he had gone through was inexcusable, and I couldn't help but feel responsible for it.

"Here we are."

"It's… lovely." King Ladekahn had wanted to show me his little garden in his bedroom. Being there for so long, he had said, had made him want to go outside and run again. That was impossible though; the doctor wouldn't let him exert himself anymore than strictly necessary. So he had asked if he could have a little potted garden inside.

The flowers themselves were exquisite. They grew bright all over the room, which smelled like exotic perfume. I could see why this place had become a haven rather than a prison cell.

King Ladekahn must have enjoyed my expression as I walked around, looking at the different flowers. His expression was something like merriment, but lighter, and it had a strange acuteness that made me self conscious. I blushed and started playing with my hair, nervous habits I've never been able to break.

I spent the rest of that evening with King Ladekahn. We had a fabulous dinner together, and then we shared a dessert. I forgot about the uneasiness and guilt from earlier. The night was too perfect, and I couldn't focus on anything else. Although I might have expected it wouldn't stay like that forever. King Ladekahn and I sat talking in a room which once was a sewing room. It had a pretty balcony which the dark green leaves of a vine climbed up to. To my distress, King Ladekahn steered the conversation into why I had come here.

"I wanted to apologize, actually. I'm so sorry for what my country has done here, the damage, the lives lost. I want to make it up to you somehow! I—"

"Lyude. Please don't do this. You know you aren't to blame for anything. That isn't even your country anymore."

"But… you were hurt. Your life was in danger, and I should have done something, anything to stop it! I should have been stronger, and!!" In my passion, I had stood and grasped King Ladekahn's hands. Tears welled up in my eyes. The sad expression on Ladekahn's face was beseeching, and it broke my heart. I ran to the balcony, facing away into the deepening darkness. I didn't want Ladekahn to see me cry; this wasn't what I had come for.

I felt King Ladekahn's arms wrap around my waist from behind. I tried to pull away, knowing he would be able to feel the sobs that shook through my body. But he only pulled me closer, resting my head on his chest. He whispered words so quietly I almost couldn't hear him.

"Lyude. Please don't let me be the cause of this torture. You didn't hurt me at all. I can't stand to see you like this… Lyude. Please don't cry. I… I love you." He squeezed me to his warm body.

These were the words I had only hoped to hear in my dreams. They were my redemption. For Ladekahn to say this to me was more than I could ever have hoped for. He stroked my hair in silence, waiting for an answer. My tears stopped, and my breathing became even again. I lifted my arms to wrap around him, warm in his embrace.

"I love you too. I love you more than anything or anyone else." I could feel him smile.

"You have no idea how I've longed to hear those words, my love." Ladekahn brought one white hand to my chin, lifting it so he could look into my eyes. He bent down, feeling my trembling as our lips brushed. I pressed my eyes closed, willing the moment never to stop.


End file.
